Have you ever chatted with someone and just a couple of minutes in, it felt like they weren't really paying attention? It's a pretty common experience, unfortunately.
The truth is, many folks aren't truly listening. They're just waiting for their turn to speak. People who do this often avoid making eye contact and rarely ask follow-up questions about what you're sharing.
Even if they do ask something and you respond, it often seems like they don't genuinely care. Interactions like these can leave us feeling a bit down, right?
When others don't seem interested in what we're saying, it can make us feel unimportant and unheard.

Listening is a skill

It's such a breath of fresh air when you come across someone who truly listens to you.
It’s not something that happens every day, but when it does, it makes you feel genuinely heard and understood.
Naturally, we tend to feel a connection with someone who takes the time to listen.
This understanding builds a sense of rapport and makes us feel closer to them.

Let's be honest—it's tough to warm up to people who aren't interested in hearing us out. It's completely understandable.
After all, why would we be drawn to someone who thinks their life is more fascinating than ours?

Being a good listener will not only help you learn more about the person you're talking to, but it also makes you seem friendly and understanding, which can lead to new opportunities.

Here is how to be a better listener.

How to do it

1. Put away distractions

2. Use non-verbal communication

3. Don’t interrupt

4. Ask open questions

5. Don’t rush

Put away distractions:
In my opinion, one of the most disrespectful things someone can do is being on their phone while you talk to them. This is the most obvious sign that the person across from you thinks that what they are doing, is more important than you (who is right in front of them, by the way).
Short answers go hand in hand with that, since most people are not able to pay attention to their screen and pay attention to how they are responding to you.

Pretty easy to get correct, right? Sadly, it's something that is very common.

Use non-verbal communication:
Just listening to someone without showing any expression can feel a bit odd.
While a poker face might work in negotiations, it’s not the best for everyday conversations. Simply making eye contact and nodding now and then can make a big difference. Throw in a few facial expressions, and you’re all set!

Don’t interrupt:
Jumping in while someone else is talking is something I notice quite often, and it can come across as a bit rude. It suggests that you're not really interested in what the other person is saying and that you think your thoughts are more important.
It's good to keep in mind that the aim is to make the other person feel listened to, not to share your opinion at every opportunity.
In a normal conversation, you'll have your turn to speak soon enough!

Ask open questions:
Yes and No questions can end a conversation very quickly. After two or three Yes or No questions, it seems that the vibe of a good conversation is gone.
Asking open questions not only allows the speaker to keep going, giving them the feeling that they are being heard and understood, but it also shows that you’re interested, as you want to find out more.

Don’t rush:
Being in a rush is a signal that suggests your life is more important and that you really need to get going. Take your time. Ask questions, don't rush to answer them, and don't hurry to leave. Your time is your most important asset, and people will appreciate it when you give it to them.

In conclusion

Listening is not about waiting for your turn to speak.
Listening is all about making someone feel truly heard. You can do this by showing empathy. In that moment, it's important to convey that their life matters enough for you to take the time to listen to them. Set aside distractions like your phone and use non-verbal cues to show you're engaged.
Avoid the temptation to interrupt them frequently.
Allow them to speak, and when the moment is right, ask open-ended questions to keep the conversation flowing and show that you're genuinely interested.

Take your time in conversations- There's no need to hurry away. Your time is incredibly valuable, and when you share it with others, it leaves a lasting impression.
Listening with respect and understanding goes a long way.
You'll find that as you practice this, people will find you more approachable and you'll be amazed at how much more they'll share with you down the road.

Being a good listeners is a big part of having high emotional intelligence and empathy.


Thank you for reading.