Criticism is part of everyday life. Sometimes we are the ones giving it and sometimes we are the ones receiving it.
Have you noticed how sensitive we are when it comes to accepting criticism sometimes?
The reality is that some people deal with it better than others.
I’d argue that it is up to the individual but more importantly it is up to the way how criticism is being expressed.

Constructive criticism is one of the best things when it comes to improving a particular behavior or skill.
So why is it that many of us get so offended when someone is criticizing us?

We take it personally. The biggest mistake is that we get emotional and assume that the other person is attacking us personally.
Assuming we talk about constructive criticism that should not happen.

Why does it happen anyway?

Leave your emotions out of it

For one it can be insecurities. If we’re having insecurities about a particular skill or behavior, we don’t like to be confronted with it. The reason for that is that someone is addressing the elephant in the room.
This reaction won’t get you very far in life.
You can only improve if you face your weaknesses.

The second reason that plays a role in how we view criticism is how and by whom we are being confronted with it.

The way in which someone is addressing an issue plays a crucial role.
When we are being confronted with something we are not good at, the most important thing is how the person across from us addresses the matter.

Here are some tips how to express constructive criticism properly.

How to express criticism

1. Know the person across from you

2. Give a compliment

3. Express your opinion objectively

4. Tell them what the goal is
   

Know the person across from you:
Thegentleforce is focused on understanding and implementing human psychology in business and everyday life.
Reading people and understanding who they are is the bread and butter of mastering human psychology.

Not everyone is the same. Everyone has a different past, different insecurities, different fears and a completely different view on the world.
It is a big mistake to address everyone in the same way.
Different people need different strategies.

You can’t go all in on someone who is sensitive and very insecure. You have to be careful about the way you are mentioning criticism.

Give a compliment:
Remember, you are going to tell the person across from you something that they’re probably not expecting or at least not wanting to hear.
A great way of de-escalating the situation before it has even started is to give them a compliment first.
Everyone likes to receive praise. It improves our confidence and makes us more receptive for criticism.
If you start a conversation with telling people all the things that they did wrong, you’ll lose them. They’ll immediately shut down won’t listen to what you have to say.

Express your opinion objectively:
Problems arise when emotions are involved.
Criticizing should be about improving a behavior and not about arguing who is right and who is wrong.
You have to stay objective when you’re confronting someone. If both people are leaving their emotions out of it, a great conversation with great prospect of success can happen.
What you can also do is to ask for the other person’s perspective.
You can say things like:
“I have the feeling that you didn't understand the task properly. Am I wrong or should I explain it to you again? If that's the case, I'd be happy to touch on the subject again.”
I guarantee you that 95% of the people won’t be offended.


Tell them what the goal is:
The goal of constructive criticism is obviously to improve something.
It’s not your job to tell everyone that they messed up. This is the major difference between negative and constructive criticism.
Unfortunately, many people criticize others just to feel good about themselves.
That’s not what we are talking about here.

It’s never a bad idea to tell people that the reason you’re bringing up a particular fact is only to improve and help them.
How can someone get offended by that?

In conclusion

Criticism is crucial when it comes to improvement.
Unfortunately, we as humans love to get emotional when we hear something that we don’t like.
If someone criticizes you unfairly, it shouldn’t bother you at all since there is no truth in that statement. Who cares if someone is saying something that is not true. There is absolutely no reason to get offended.
If a statement is true on the other hand, there is also no reason to get offended because it is the truth.

Unfortunately, humans are complicated so we can’t expect everyone to receive bad news in an objective way.
Therefore, it’s our job to find a way how to show constructive criticism in the best way possible.

Some people will always be offended no matter what we say.
We have to get used to that.
It should never stop us from addressing a mistake or a bad behavior though.
Realization will always be the first step towards improvement, so leave your emotions at the door.

Thank you for reading.